growing things

the tomato is overtaking its stake. the parsley is straining to reach light, real light. the cilantro has come back from the brink of death, and the sage does not know how not to grow. the balance of water and food and light and shade is nearly impossible to maintain when you decide to plant everything together. but i guess they know what's was strong. what survives will only be the best. except that i killed something from overwatering one week and something else from underwatering the next week. i think i may have found the balance. it's stressful being this observant. i definitely should not have children.

how so?

if i can't keep a bunch of freakin' plants alive, how can i be trusted with something as important as a child?

children at least make noise when something is wrong. you have a cat, though.

two of them.

right. and how are they?

fine. they need some more mommy time, but fine other than that.

so there you go. you can have kids.

because my cats are lonely but fed?

pretty much.

what about the emotional part of it?

you're going to fuck up your kids somehow. there is no use stressing over it. they'll either love you or hate you in the end.

you should write a book.

ha. ha. why worry about fucking up some non-existent future grown child of yours? maybe it all turns out okay. maybe it's 50/50 or 80/20.

maybe it's just a shitload of therapy.

right. so not so bad. plus kids can be a lot of fun.

and headaches.

but joy!

you want to have a baby, don't you?

yes. specifically i want to have one with you.

we don't even live together.

i know. i don't want one now. but i want to move in together. get "married" or whatever. and have a baby. or adopt a child. i want us to be parents.

i don't...

i know.

then why...

i'm hoping that you'll just think about it. you hardly ever talk about what you want out of this relationship. you know exactly what you want out of your work, but ... what about us?

i don't know.

so think about it and let me know?

okay.

a simple kiss

what's on the menu tonight?

something with tomato and sage, it looks like.

My tomato plant nearly fell over today. It is now tied to the rail on my roof.