growing things

the tomato is overtaking its stake. the parsley is straining to reach light, real light. the cilantro has come back from the brink of death, and the sage does not know how not to grow. the balance of water and food and light and shade is nearly impossible to maintain when you decide to plant everything together. but i guess they know what's was strong. what survives will only be the best. except that i killed something from overwatering one week and something else from underwatering the next week. i think i may have found the balance. it's stressful being this observant. i definitely should not have children.

how so?

if i can't keep a bunch of freakin' plants alive, how can i be trusted with something as important as a child?

children at least make noise when something is wrong. you have a cat, though.

two of them.

right. and how are they?

fine. they need some more mommy time, but fine other than that.

so there you go. you can have kids.

because my cats are lonely but fed?

pretty much.

what about the emotional part of it?

you're going to fuck up your kids somehow. there is no use stressing over it. they'll either love you or hate you in the end.

you should write a book.

ha. ha. why worry about fucking up some non-existent future grown child of yours? maybe it all turns out okay. maybe it's 50/50 or 80/20.

maybe it's just a shitload of therapy.

right. so not so bad. plus kids can be a lot of fun.

and headaches.

but joy!

you want to have a baby, don't you?

yes. specifically i want to have one with you.

we don't even live together.

i know. i don't want one now. but i want to move in together. get "married" or whatever. and have a baby. or adopt a child. i want us to be parents.

i don't...

i know.

then why...

i'm hoping that you'll just think about it. you hardly ever talk about what you want out of this relationship. you know exactly what you want out of your work, but ... what about us?

i don't know.

so think about it and let me know?

okay.

a simple kiss

what's on the menu tonight?

something with tomato and sage, it looks like.

My tomato plant nearly fell over today. It is now tied to the rail on my roof.

new green

A small shoot of green pushing up through the damp, potted earth was all zhe needed to change the day. The Sisyphean day job nearly had broken hir, but this one little bit of life that zhe had been watching for for nearly twenty days cracked the wear-worn visage that had become every day's accessory. It was just a little bit better. Here was something to watch grow, to nurture, to distract. A folded stem slowly rolling into the sun. Becoming itself, the plant entered the future microcosmic circle of life that would filled hir apartment. Zhe longed for a backyard in which to create a garden, but for today, this shy bit of green would do.

I have not killed off all of my plants yet, and actually my tomato is doing quite well. I just seem to have a special knack for killing off basil, but I'll keep trying.

playing with rhyme

small, hard seeds fall to mother's feet
dusting the floor, nothing neat

one will surely find its way
to break the shell and find this day

once the world came in to view
the tiniest plant grew and grew

up to the sky, toward the sun
inch by inch, never ever done

dropping seeds in dripping rain
cycling life all over again

roots down through the soil, out to the sea
leaves to the air, anchored but free

This was fun. I felt like I was in elementary school again writing it. I've been planting herbs, so plants are on my mind.