excerpt from conversations with myself in the form of my mother

1

Maybe I drink so much because I have to force so many things about myself down, hide them. We don't want the neighbors to see. God forbid I'm not perfect. God forbid I'm human.

2

That's right. Of course it's my fault. Couldn't be your fear of looking eye to eye with the mirror. Definitely not. You've never been afraid of being brutally honest with yourself. So obviously it's me.

1

You can't handle me - who I am.

2

And you can't handle that I can't handle it.

1 or 2
(whoever earns it or however best it works for a production)

I can't I need you to be the image of you. I need you to rage against, to push, to love, and to fear losing above all others. If you morph or change or just shift outside of what I see as your path, I'll lose this force and guide and I , what if I don't like you or can't love you? What if I can? I could lose myself in your change. I could lose you. I have no idea if I'm brave enough either way.

2

Button's undone.

1

Dammit. I knew this shirt was too small. Do you have a safety pin?

2

No. I may have a paper clip though. No, just a bobby pin.

1

Think it'll work?

2

Maybe. Let's see. You're wearing an undershirt.

1

Yes.

2

Just unbutton the top and wear it open.

1

I can't do that.

2

Why not?

1

It has a stain on the boob. (pause) I don't like this.

2

Well, I like having you home.

1

I know. It's just so confining.

2

You can relax and not have to worry so much. Take some time and reset or something like that.

1

It feels like failure.

2

It does not.

1

It does.

2

Please. It's not failure, just a respite.

1

It's failure.

2

You are not a failure.

1

Please.

2

You are not a failure.

1

How could you possibly understand?

2

You are not a failure.

1

You have to say that. And why not? What isn't failure about this? does it look like I've accomplished anything? I've run away. Tucked my tail and fled. I let myself be defeated.

2

If you've been defeated, then you are a failure.

1

Jesus. That's helpful.

2

Well. Are you done? Actually totally and completely given up forever more? Are you?

1

I don't know.

2

Everything's in such stark contrast right now. Success, failure. It's not the question. I think you need time to ... I don't know. Heal, maybe? Think? Something. You just need need time without worry and stress. I can give that to you. I can't solve this for you, but I can give you that. So, either decide to take that time or decide to abandon everything and move on.

1

I wish I knew...

If you can't tell, I write a lot when working out the current crazy living in my head. Saves on the therapy bills (sometimes).