better than reality

A

So my grandmother is in the family way.

B

Wait. What?

A

She’s preggers.

B

Seriously?

A

Yeah. She decided that she finally had reached an age where she had enough experience and wisdom to really know how to raise a child.

B

But she’s. How old is she?

A

In her 70s. 78 I think.

B

How...

A

In vitro. It kind of experimental and she had to go out of the country to do it. But she loves to travel and hadn’t been to southern mexico. So you know, she went. And when she got back, well, I already told you.

B

Your grandmother… seriously. That’s ridiculous. There is no way a woman her age...

A

Hey. I think my grandma is the best person to know what her body can and cannot handle.

B

But she won't live long enough to really raise the kid.

A

You don’t know that. She could be vibrant and viable until she’s 120. Maybe this kid is the thing to keep her young at heart.

B

She should have grandchildren to do that. Or great-grandchildren.

A

Dude. I’m not ready to have a kid. She’s always been one to take initiative when she wants something. I proud of her really.

B

You’re going to have an uncle-

A

Or an aunt! Why do you default to male?

B

Whatever. You are going to have a … Your mom is going to have a sibling nearly thirty years younger than her own kid.

A

Weirder things have happened.

B

Name one.

A

UFO abductions! People claim those all the time. My grandmother’s child is at least real.

B

And still viable for front page tabloid.

A

Which is so cool. She said I could pose with her when they come to take the pictures. I’m hoping that Oprah doesn’t hear about this before Weekly World News! That’d just ruin everything.

B

You need your head examined.

A

Why? Is something wrong with it?

B

You think your 78 year old grandmother having a baby is a great opportunity to get on the front page of a publication that no one believes. Yeah. Something is definitely wrong.

A

Well, if it becomes something legit, I won’t be one of the few people in on the joke.

B

I still can’t believe that she’s actually pregnant.

A

That’s probably good.

B

What?

A

That you don’t believe it. Because it’s not true. She’s not pregnant. She has Alzheimer’s. My mom thinks I’m not handling it well, but I think I’m doing okay.

B

No. You need help. That’s was totally fucked. Why would you do that?

A

There are so many better stories to add to her life than the real one. I just want her end to be as fantastic as I know she could have dreamed it up.

B

But don’t fuck with people like that.

A

It doesn’t really work if you don’t.

B

I … You are messed up. I gotta go. Call me when you can act like a human being.

A

Understandable. Still, I could have been in grocery lines everywhere!

One of grandmother's was diagnosed this week. I may expand on this scene, but I'm thinking next week might be stories of her and for that are better than reality.