cyberspace is flat & i've fallen off the edge

could you please put the computer down for at least five minutes? maybe ten and pay attention to me? please.

just a second. i'm almost done.

right. you're always almost done. it's the internet! there is no "done".

seriously, i have almost reached the end of Twitter. look! see, i'm on page... well there are no pages, but i've been clicking the damn thing for nearly 5 days straight at 3 clicks every 2 minutes. there is no way it can go on much longer.

and then you'll have to catch up with the new stuff that was added.

no. i'm actually annoyed with the thing now. i can't wait to get to the end so i never have to check the site again.

just give it up now.

no.

what would change, what would be missing if you didn't finish it?

i can't stop. it's just... no. not possible. it's making me tense just thinking about it.

you can do it. just take your hand off the mouse, sit up straight, blink and look around the room.

i'm almost there.

no, you're not. you need to walk away.

i swear, just 30 minutes more. maybe an hour. i'm almost there. i'm really really really close.

you need to eat something. you need to sleep. you really need to take a shower. change clothes? wouldn't it be nice to stand up for a couple of minutes? the sun is still shining. you could go outside and play with the dog.

i have a dog?

no, not a real one. but you think i'm talking to you, and i'm your cat. so please, for both our sakes, walk away from this stupid task, clean yourself up, and give me some belly rubs!

i...

i'm a talking cat. a talking. cat.

she starts to stand up but looks back at the screen and sits back down.

if i'm not done in 39 minutes, you are allowed to attack me.

i'm going to go piss on your furniture. have a good night.

My cat hates my computer. If I ever try to read all of Twitter, she has every right to take out my furniture in whatever way she sees fit. It would be for my own good.