mornings at the desk

Good morning, Rubber Band Balls. How are you this morning? Yes, this is my cereal. I know. It doesn’t sound very appetizing at all. All Natural Multibran Flax Flakes. It's not too bad though. I'm not very keen on this almond milk. It tastes... I don't know. It's just not what I wanted. I love rice milk. That's my favourite. Well, milk milk is my favourite, but it makes me gassy. So here we are. Yeah, soy milk is good too, but I think I get too much soy in my diet so I'm trying to cut - Shit! How fucking hard is it too pour cereal into a bowl?! Really fucking hard apparently. Now I have to clean. ARRRR! I will not let this ruin my day. I am going to have a good day. It was just an accident. I just have to clean it up. No, Bobble Head Freud, my father did not spank me for spilling cereal that then launched me into an Elektra Complex. Or an Oedipal one. Oh god! For the last time, I Will Not Tell You About My Sex Life! Why don't you just go behind the monitor and snort some blow and leave me alone. What? Are you crying?! Like a baby?!

Oh. You are crying. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. Yes, I know. Freuds have feelings too. It's okay. Well, I think that people only play with the Rubber Band Balls because they are within reach, you know? I don't think it has anything to do with you. Really. Do you want me to switch you? I could do that. Okay. There. You can sit by World Paperweight. How is that?

Guys. Shut up. I know. You never complain. People like you. Yeah yeah yeah. But he's been having a rough go of it. It's just temporary. I'll move you back later. I don't know. Later. What? Do you all want to be together? Okay fine. Now I don't want to hear anything out of any of you all day. Got it? Otherwise, you are all going in the drawer with the ketchup. Okay. I have to login.

I had to write this twice this morning, because Blogger decided to delete the first draft. Yay. In case you were wondering, also on my desk is Cat Butt Airfreshner. I imagine it farting (not loudly, but like those air freshener machines) at the end of this.