when in doubt, poetrify

forked decisions equal in outcome
ease of travel guaranteed
challenging courses assured
timing alone changed

questions of satisfaction
thoughts of regret
haunt the choice

which path which path which path
one a potential detour back to the other

the immense beginning
stepping kills the other ways
stepping births the next life

which way to go?

So I got in to grad school. I've only applied to one, and it is the program that I want. However, the tuition award was not what I had hoped, so I'm stuck in this space of getting started on this next phase now or taking my GRE and applying elsewhere and hoping for more money at a school that doesn't necessarily meet my needs (but may have a name). Also, if I wait and start applying, I may not get in to those places. Decisions decisions decisions. Advice, thoughts, etc. are definitely sought and wanted here.

a previous draft

The separation exsanguinated my life, destroyed my hearth, deleted my colors. The landscape a new, sharp, painful white. Lines blurred evn to my own skin. No longer was there contrast between me and nothing. My own definition re-entered the miasma where direction does not even know itself. Mountains and oceans merged and thereafter imploded and left me crouching on the non-earth waiting for the vertigo to pass, feabily straining to keep me even on four limbs. The dry heaving reenforced my own emptyness, blowing white sand onto the blank canvas. Impalled by nothing. Before completely succumbing to the death of Life.

Heart shattered into Humpty Dumpty pieces and settled in my stomach to grow.

The drug floods, overwhelming the system. I moved. I ran. I left bloody footprints and redefined land and sky.

This is the start of this is false. It's nice to see where things start. Also to remember that editing and work are very important. I think maybe I can come back to this image of bloody footprints as the start of rebuilding. I wonder where it will go?