intervention!

Cat hair was everywhere, and it was against the rules to wear shoes in the house. Most people would have cleaned the floors and warned their guests against wearing black, but I suppose you can't be too picky when you are going to an intervention. I still had no idea why I had to be there. I mean I barely knew the boy. Just because you grew up together... Plus, do I really look like someone that would have friends who need an intervention? Kate, would you be doll and get me another mint julip? So anyway, we all had to sit around in a circle and blah blah blah. That's where I tuned out and started thinking about that movie... oh, what's it called? But I'm a Cheerleader! They have this scene where they talk about how the main girl exhibiting lesbian behavior and they ship her off to gay rehab. It was such a hoot. Thank you, dear. Did you want anything, Sissy? Kate, can you get her some water? Well, there I am playing that scene in my head and suddenly everyone is looking at me, so clearly it's my turn. I have no idea what to say. So I stare back at them. And they stare at me. And I keep staring back. Not a one of us blinked. I start racking my brain for something to say. I really have no idea why I was there. So finally after about 5 minutes of staring, I announce that I have to go to the bathroom. I screw the top back on my flask, walk down the hall, and crawl out the window. They probably heard me start the car and drive off, but I just could not stay there any longer. Next time I get invited to one of these things, I will be sure to schedule something at the exact same time. They are such a buzzkill.

Interventions terrify me. Probably because I have been close to being the subject of one. I imagine that the real story behind this tale is that it was actually the character's intervention. This was probably on my mind because a friend of mine celebrated her first soberversary this past weekend, but the opening line is from me trying to keep my cat's hair from taking over the apartment. It is a losing battle.

another cat monologue

Always in the path to the destination. Always. Only good for food, fresh water, and cleaning up my shit. I am going to punch you in the boob. It will feel like I’m kneading you, but it is a hardcore series of punches. You’ll see when you get the bruises tomorrow.

Don’t move me! Here is my butt in your face for that. Yeah, I’m stretching. I’m a cat, a cat with its butt in your face. You like that? Better get used to it. My ass will be next to your nose after you fall asleep. Sweet dreams, sweetheart. Maybe next time you’ll just leave me alone until I tell you I want you.

I don’t even want to look at you right now. I’ll be behind the curtain. Do not. disturb me. You seem to have a plant where I want to sit. There. What? It wanted to be on the floor. I was helping. I never get any credit around here.

How about here? On the arm of the couch? Is this okay for you, your Highness? Hey. I’m looking at you. Look at me. Blinker. Ugh. Stop looking at that stupid box. Stop tapping on it. Pay attention to me. I want petting. Okay, I’m sitting on your hands, my face is in your face, and I’m purring. This is an indication that you should stop with the whatever you doing and get with the catcuddles.

Thank you. I will not kill in your sleep tonight.

I was going to work on Wonderland, but I just was stuck (and tired).

internal monologue

If I could just lick my own face, I'd be set. Who designed this body to have a long tongue but not long enough to do the job?!

What was that?

Okay. It was nothing. Where was I? The shoulder. So easy to reach and has the most satisfying head movement. Something moved! Be still be still be still. There it is! It didn't see me. Crouch down low and get ready. It's stopped oh wait it's spazzing!

Attack!!!!!

hahahahahaha! I got it! Wait. Shit. Whhheeereeee did iiiit goooooo? There. Got it. No. Got it. No. Got it. No. Got it.

POUNCE ON IT!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This game sucks. I have better things to do. This pen needs to be...

on the floor! And stay there.

Human! Let me go! No. I don't want you right now. Augh. Fine. Pet me but I'm not gonna like it. Screw your needs.

Loose grip! I'm off!!!!! I. WIN.

Water or food? Food or water? Water then food? Yes.

I do not care for your toy. I am busy. Leave me alone.

I'm just going to go in the other room until you calm down wand later I am going to bite you for being a stupid human.

Stretch it out. Pad otu the bed. Perfect. No. Lump. There. Curl into the cutest, kittenest ball so I'm left alone. And commence nap seventeen of twenty.

I wonder constantly what makes my cat do the things she does. She's an only child and so know how to play without anyone else. Which I think make her daily adventures more interesting to watch.

random monologue

Was Columbus confused when Amerigo stole his glory?
Was he satisfied when he became household?
Did he mourn the red avalanche he started?
Does he know? Does he care?
Would I?
Has life become as different as we imagine it has? Or is it just how we define our lives? When did technology and comforts stop being the things that shade our lives but the colours themselves? Why did we not notice? A person’s death, when captured, becomes the whole of their lives. Our martyrs are no longer myth but digital realities. Does an unnoticed death negate an unnoticed life? Is a small person unworthy or just a casualty of the gluttony of information? Shouldn’t you have answers to these questions?
But then… Do you want to be a morbid celebrity, dancing your used corpse before a desensitized audience for nickels thrown at your feet? Some boob making lewd gestures with your limbs for unheard guffaws? Maybe you do. Five minutes to be remembered. Five whole minutes.

I had been working on a short script to deal with the death of a friend. This monologue was one thing that came out of it, but I'm not sure where it fits.